Today is a special day. It’s our son’s birth mom’s birthday. Without her, we wouldn’t be parents. So it’s difficult to even find the words to describe the importance of having her in our lives, but I’m going to try…
Over the years of diving into the infertility and adoption world, I have read a lot of negative things, in particular those focusing on birth parents. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “she must have been really young, huh?”, “you did a wonderful thing by adopting”, “you’re a wonderful mom for adopting”, or the assumption that because we adopted we “rescued” or “saved” a child. The assumptions of birth parents are endless, unfortunately. But these comments have always confused me (and made me a little angry), because if truth be told…Samuel’s birth mom saved us, she did the wonderful thing in our lives.
I’ve always attempted to be empathetic to the pain that placing Samuel may have caused his birth mom. I’m not saying I’ve always been successful, but I try. If you are a parent, think about the love you have for your child(ren). Maybe you can’t even find the right words to describe that love. I’m sure it’s a love so strong, it’s unimaginable to describe. Now think about that kind of love you have for your child, but not seeing your child daily, not knowing what day-to-day routine is like, or not being able to hear their voice every single day. Heartbreaking. But I’d imagine this is how it feels as a birth parent.
I would never put words into Samuel’s birth mother’s mouth, but knowing the situation, I believe she felt placing Samuel what was best. For him. Not for herself, not for us, but for Samuel. Now that is true love. Selfless, agape love.
So to all the birth parents out there, know that your love for your children does not go unnoticed. As I honor my son’s birth mother’s birthday, I also honor all of you and your endless love for your children.