Dear Infertility, Thank you.

If someone would have told me 4 or 5 years ago that I would someday be thankful for infertility, I would have likely throat punched them. Seriously. Okay, I’m not a violent person, so I wouldn’t have thrown out a TP, but I likely would have been pretty upset about such a comment. But if someone would have said that to me, they would have been right. I know that not everyone has a happy ending like we do. We didn’t experience loss the way some of my friends did, and our wait from signing on with an agency to placement was NOTHING compared to others. But it still hit me hard and I learned a lot from my experience, so in the end, I am super thankful for infertility.

Here’s my list of reasons why:

  1. You made me realize I CAN do hard things: Infertility tested all sorts of boundaries within myself. It took me places that I never wanted to be, but I came out stronger than I could have ever imagined. For every time I fell down, I got up fighting. Infertility is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I never stopped fighting.
  2. You made my relationship with my husband stronger: It was tough watching my husband be sad about something I felt was my fault, but didn’t have a lot of control over. But I know it was just as sad for him to see me so sad and he had no control over. We were in that journey together though. We prayed together, we cried together, and mostly importantly, we supported each other. In the end, we felt stronger together because of the struggle.
  3. You allowed me to meet some AMAZING women: Let me just tell you a little something about woman struggling with infertility, they’re tough cookies. Strong, confident, and fabulous women. Introducing myself to a forum of strangers to find support was the best decision I’ve ever made. These are friends that have cried with me, held me, picked me up, and supported my every step of the way. I’ve developed friendships that I will always be thankful for.
  4. You gave me prospective in life: I have always considered myself an empathetic person, but infertility gave me a new insight on life. This new insight only increased my awareness of what others could be potentially be going through. It helped me in my career as a counselor as well as how I interact with others.
  5. You strengthened my faith: I’ve always had a sense of faith, but when I was lost in the depths of infertility, I knew I had to dig deeper into my faith. My faith grew exponentially during our journey. I would have stayed lost had I not dove face first into wanting to know more about what God had to say about infertility. I began spending more time praying, which helped calm me. I also started reading the Bible more, which gave me understanding and reason. I wouldn’t have survived had I not clung onto my faith, which I continue to find just as important in my life today.
  6. You brought an extended family that I love more than I knew was possible: Having an open adoption is quite possibly the most amazing thing to have as an adoptive parent. My son is loved by so many people, which warms my heart. And as much as they love Samuel, I can say with confidence that they love My husband and I as well. This is family.

Last but not least…

7. You brought Samuel into our lives: I often think about how if our IVF cycle would have worked, we wouldn’t have moved forward with adoption, and I wouldn’t be Samuel’s momma. I just can’t even imagine! I wholeheartedly believe that Samuel was meant to be in our lives. So I’m actually thankful our IVF cycle didn’t work, because I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So while it’s easy to remember the heartache and pain infertility has caused in my life, I’m thankful I can also see all of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

One thought on “Dear Infertility, Thank you.

  1. #7. I had always hoped for you that the baby you were destined to have would help you understand the how and why the struggle was the way it was. 💙 it takes the chosen human to show you that any other path, time, whatever would have made things different. 💙Samuel💙

    Liked by 1 person

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