Honoring the struggles.

Yesterday while listening to music, I was jamming out to Rend Collective’s “Count Every Blessing.” Man, if you haven’t checked this song out…it’s a must. Let me link it—>here! But it just pumps me up every time I listen to it. It’s such a beautiful reminder of God’s goodness.

But as I was listening, I thought to myself “what is a blessing?”  I know I have been ‘blessed’ a million times over again, but what is considered a blessing? Which led me to a recent conversation in my small group at church where I made a comment about trying to always honor my struggles. Then it led me to this….are all of our struggles blessings?

If you would have asked me this even just a few years ago, I would have 100% said “umm absolutely not, no way!” I would likely said that was preposterous and you are insane.  But today, I’m going to say “100% yes!”. Let me tell you why…

God is good…ALL OF THE TIME [I think I’ve said this before].
I know it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. You feel abandoned and lonely; God is no where to be found. But just because God is saying ‘no’ or you feel like he’s not with you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a plan for you. I wish I would have had crystal ball at the start of our infertility journey. If I would have been able to see the path God was taking us, it would have saved a lot of heartache. But that’s not how it works….this is where trust has to come in.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

It may not all make sense now, but we have to trust that God’s goodness will come full circle and in the end, He’s been setting us up for something way more amazing than we could have ever imagined.

I have often said that I am thankful for being infertile. I am thankful IVF never worked. I am thankful for being at rock bottom, but still having the strength to look up and say “Lord, I need you right now.”  All of those things led to a journey that I am beyond grateful to have experienced. All of this led to being Samuel’s mother. And if you know him, he’s kind of amazing [no bias here at all, ha].

But even way before infertility…

19 years ago, my life changed in a way that I held so much regret onto for so many years [too many years]. It affected every single part of my being. I was left shattered into a million pieces for way too long…

But today, I am thankful for that experience.

Would I want to erase it and make it never happen? Sure, maybe. But it made me who I am today. That struggle set me up for beautiful blessings. Even despite self-loathing for years with regret and shame….I am going to honor that. Without the struggle, I wouldn’t be where I am today…and to dig even further. If I wouldn’t have struggled with infertility, I don’t think I would have ever dealt with some of the things that I had been greatly struggling with for all those years…and those things needed to be dealt with.

So back to my original question….are our struggles blessings?

I have to believe that answer is 100% yes.

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